So this is what I looked like in 2009 just after my hair had been removed. At this point it was a novelty, but a month after this picture was taken at the beginning of March 2009 I nearly died. Yes, it’s hard to believe looking at this picture and even to think about it now but that is actually what happened. I got a kidney infection and my temperature went up and I developed neutropenia. I had to have 12 litres of antibiotic fluid pumped through my system, every half hour the cleaners would have to spray my room with disinfectant. I remember waking up and seeing my daughter at the door of the room wearing a plastic apron and her not being allowed to touch me. It actually brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it now almost a decade later. The look on her face at that moment will never leave me.
It is very difficult going through cancer treatment as a Mum. It’s more than embarrassing to show your vulnerability to people you feel you should be protecting. I did feel like I was letting the side down. It is also probably the tenderest experience of my life too, being loved through this by my daughter and step kids and my dogs (more on them tomorrow). The greatest thing our community did was practical stuff, showing up and hovering, cooking, putting on a load of washing, having our brood over for a play date. Those were the things that kept us going. I was ceaselessly touched by the generosity of people. Chemotherapy hits the whole family, for your kids its obvious that something isn’t quite right with their Mummy.
I was not good with wigs almost to a comical extent. Without hair they do slip about a bit and were just too much effort for me. I went for wigs and hats. This didn’t always work out so well as for some reason, my head, the wig and the hat would always be destined to go in different directions. I lacked wig conviction and frankly just felt really silly. In the end I gave up and didn’t bother with them. I thought I was sporting a very edgy Star Trek look but I guess that’s fine for Miss Music Biz but tougher on your kids where anything that isn’t standard is commented. My daughter suffered a bit because of this and I wish I had a better mastery of wig wearing.
This is why counselling is so important and getting advice and support from organisations like The Haven is so helpful. There’s a lot to unravel as you go through treatment. People did say to me when I lost my hair, “It suits you, you have a great shaped head”. To this day I still wonder what a great shaped head is and how exactly one quantifies what that means but I tried to take it in the spirit it was meant even though I felt like a boiled egg.
*This blog is written to support #Breast Cancer Awareness Month 2018 and the Breast Cancer Haven who helped me beat beast cancer in 2008 and in 2011 – along with the incredible team on Worthing Hospital’s Breast Cancer Ward, UK. I am SO blessed to be well today.
Donate to the Breast Cancer Haven Here
Eugenie Arrowsmith 